A New Beginning...

Well...it's been a LONG time since I last wrote a "blog" and I've been thinking about sitting down to write on a daily basis.

I have been very overwhelmed lately with life. Nothing major, just the normal things "mommy's" deal with every day. (Paying bills, breastfeeding/pumping/supply issues, keeping up with 2 boys on no sleep, etc.) Today, I am marking a new beginning...

1) A new "me"....I am continuing on my Weight Watchers journey, as well as adding an exercise routine, Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred!!



&
2) I AM going to be blogging again!!! (So, stay tuned)

Here's to a new beginning...

Patience & Love

I don't know how I stumbled upon this website, but I did...and I can't help, but get emotional. It is about babies who've past away from SIDS.

Something I pray for on a regular basis, is "patience." Living in a home with two little boys can definitely make you wonder if you are as patient a person as you always thought you were.

Daniel is a very active little guy always finding something to get into, still NOT pooping in the potty...just in his underwear, loves to dart from mommy even if I say my "magic words.." RED LIGHT!! These are just a few of the things that make him a challenge...and Nathan with his reflux, quirky preferences for how he likes to be held and whiny little baby attitude, it sometimes takes a lot to get through the day.

BUT with all that said, I have NEVER been MORE in love with my little boys....

Daniel has such a sweet little inquisitive face, a gentle voice that loves to ask "why & how questions", a yearning for knowledge...a button nose, a smile that lights up even the darkest room. He has an imagination that is out of this world, a passion for Fire Fighters, a sweet singing voice and a love for Jesus.

Nathan has a huge smile that wakes me up in the mornings, an ability to nuzzle like a cuddly little puppy, 2 large round GRAY eyes, a small freckle birthmark next to his belly button and a curiosity for the many wonders of the world. A full head of silky dark hair and a "giggle" that we've only heard a few times, but are already in love with.

So even on the hardest of days, I find myself so thankful for all of their amazing attributes and just the mere fact that they are happy & healthy. They really are perfect in every way and I couldn't be MORE proud to be their mommy.

So, when I came upon this website I couldn't help but feel sad and thankful at the same time.

Here's a little bit of a letter on the website that really touched me, "It's been three weeks since I last saw your smiling face. I miss you every minute of every day but the hardest times are in the morning and during the night when you would usually wake me up. I am so sorry I didn't take you with me that morning when I left to run errands. I can't stop seeing your little face while you watched me walk back and forth getting ready and then as I was leaving, you were sitting on daddy's lap on the couch and I waved goodbye and said "Mommy will be back Jakey, Mommy will be back". I'm sorry I didn't come back before you left us. I wish I just took you with me, I could have taken you with me, but you were tired and daddy was gonna lay you down for your nap. I cant help but wonder if things would be different. I love you so much my little boy."

Just remember to take life one day at a time and always be grateful for what you DO have, not what you don't. If you feel like you are getting stressed out, take a breather...life is too short to get upset. Pick your battles and always go to bed happy. And most importantly, KISS & HUG your kids more times in a day than you can count!!!!

My life is becoming clear

Nothing will ever separate us from our Jesus and the love that he's so freely given us. It amazes me more and more how when you take the time to talk to God your prayers really ARE answered. This is the motivation for this particular entry.

As those of you who have been reading my blog know, I've been searching for quite a few things for quite some time. One of those things being, what do I do with my life?

My baptism last Sunday has made me yearn for direction even more than before. Not only career wise, but with my family as well.

So I've had two revelations...

1) I want my boys to become responsible, kind young men. Therefore, I am going to start teaching them character values at the dinner table. You know, the important things like trustworthiness, respect, responsibility, fairness, caring, patience, honesty, love, faith, etc. I have these great books that have a little story and some questions on each. Too much these days you see kids who are lost because they aren't being parented. Whether it be because the parents just shouldn't be parents, because money is so scarce these days, or days are getting shorter and shorter I dunno, but Im the first one to admit....we have to start prioritizing our lives better.

2) I want to be a teacher. Anyone who knows me, know that I've been "teaching" since I was a little girl. I taught my neighbor the anatomy of a plant when I was about 7....my cousins how to dance and put on a performance....the kids I babysat how do do an extensive assortment of craft projects, etc. etc. I have been saying, "I am going to be a teacher" I think since I first started talking. 1 AA degree, and 2 1/2 certificate programs and I'm still yet to do what I truly love. I don't know why I've gone back and forth so much, but for some reason nomatter what I do, I'm not happy. So I began to pray about this, "God, should I go into teaching? Is that my calling? What can I do that will glorify you?" He began answering my prayer in the most obvious way....First, my mom out of the blue said, "You would be a great teacher!" Second, a friend of ours (who is a retired teacher) was talking about how you love your job so much more when it was something you loved as a child. She told us about how she used to teach the kids in her neighborhood. Lastly, I was talking to a great friend of mine who was telling me she could see me as a teacher...and how I need to start taking classes and just go for it because I would do a great job. So, I decided YES, I will pursue this, finally!!! I looked into a couple of colleges and am very interested in National University, because it's done online with 1 class per month. Perfect for having 2 kiddos. I still need to get more information, but the way I see it is, if I start once Nathan starts sleeping longer at night *cross your fingers* then I will be finished about the time he's ready for preschool. PERFECT! I will finally be able to say I have my own career, I will finally be able to provide FINANCIAL support for my family, I will finally do something they can be PROUD of.

I feel at peace with my decision, now I just need to pray that all of the puzzle pieces fall into place.

I don't know what's happened to me in the past week, but life is really starting to feel GREAT and I just wanted to share with you some lyrics from a song that really touches my heart...

It's called "From the Inside Out" & it's sung by Hillsong

A thousand times I've failed
Still Your mercy remains
And should I stumble again
I'm caught in Your grace
Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame

In my heart and my soul
I give You control
Consume me from the inside out
Lord let justice and praise
Become my embrace
To love you from the inside out


Consume me Lord, from the INSIDE out.....I give you control of my life, my decisions...help me to use my life to glorify you! Thank you for lifting me up everytime I stumble...your light will always shine within me.

Outward Testimony

Today was a great day! Gabriel & I were baptized together at our church, Church on the Hill.

It was something we had been thinking about doing for quite some time, but we never felt like the moment was right. We either weren't where we wanted to be in our relationship with God or we didn't have a church we felt that we could call "home." Until now, that is...

We have finally found a church we feel we belong at, we are keeping our faith as the most important aspect of our lives and baptism was the next step for us. We were able to walk into the baptismal together and help Pastor Elliot baptize each other.

They played a video of us that we recorded on Wednesday night. (I was really nervous about the video) Basically it told our story...both begin about the same, being baptized in the Catholic church as babies. Then experiencing the Christian faith and accepting Jesus into our lives. We should be getting a copy of our video and I may try and post a clip of it on here for you all to see.

I just can't stress enough how special it was to share this exciting day with my loving husband. It was great because we were able to make the promise together that we WILL raise our children in a family of faith.

Christian baptism is, according to the Bible, an outward testimony of what has occurred inwardly in a believer’s life. Christian baptism illustrates a believer’s identification with Christ’s death, burial, and resurrection.

Next up: Joining Church on the Hill & getting our boys dedicated!!! (Oh, and finding ways we can plug in @ church even with our busy, hectic lives)

I hope everyone has a great, God Blessed week!!

Money DOESN'T Grow on Trees

I'm sure at some point or another everyone's either heard this from their parents or told this to their kids, "Money doesn't grow on trees...

I'm sorry guys, its true!!!

A lot has been going on in my life in the past few weeks, Gabe started working at Wells Fargo Bank, him & I have been contemplating going through all our "stuff" to have a garage sale, Gabe & I have been preparing to be baptized this coming Sunday, I've been shedding my unwanted weight and together as a couple we've been looking over our finances.
Finances= lack of money & excess debt

We've decided we want to work really hard to live "under our means" and buy consciously...and only pay with $cash$. We want to do what we need to in order to pay off our credit card debt for once and for all and build an emergency fund in our savings account. It is important for us to not only get our physical and spiritual health right, but also our financial health because it teaches our boys the value of a dollar and the important lesson that:

Money/Stuff doesn't = happiness...

Yes, it will be a challenge because we live on a single income, but I believe we will definitely be able to take on this challenge. I yearn for a more simple less hectic life.

I would love to take on a challenge maybe similar to Oprah's "What Can You Live Without?" experiment or Suze Orman's "3 Step Money Pledge"

I will contemplate what kind of challenge I would like to follow, talk about it with Gabe and post in in my next entry!!

Having the BEST things is no substitute for having the BEST life.

Recent Pictures

So my last post had pictures of me at my heaviest weight...I still have a ways to go, but here's where I'm at now!!!

I'm a NEW me!!!

Well, as of today I'm officially down -64.8 pounds!!! I'm over halfway to my goal weight!! It's amazing how many things have already changed...

My mind....I have a much better mentality on life, food (i.e. food is for fuel, not happiness), health (the importance of me being healthy for my boys & hubby)

My body....I'm down quite a bit of inches & pounds, down from a xxl/2x shirt to a Large and 22 pants to a 16

My faith...I am more thankful to God for the little things, am finding myself praying more, and am getting baptized on Sunday

My confidence..(I guess this kinda goes with my mind, but we will let it stand on its own)...well, I finally have some!!! Not enough yet, but I'm definitely getting there.

So, my new goal is to start running!!! Lucky for me I have a Nike+ I can dust off that I got as a Christmas gift from the loving hubby a couple years ago...I plugged it into the computer and found they have a new "coach" feature on their website and one of the programs is "Running in 12 weeks" for people like me who have never done it before!! Yes!! Yesterday I completed my first (Walk 5, Run 1, Walk 5, Run 1, Walk 5) interval routine!

What started this particular blog entry? Well, I found some horrible pictures of me at my heaviest weight, yuck!!! SO glad I'm changing my life....

I will take some pictures of me today so you can see me at my current weight so check back!!! = )

Mind Games

I proposed the question awhile back, "Why am I overweight?" and I believe I've found the answer...

1) Due to certain things that happened in my past, I've felt the need to hold on to my weight as a sorce of comfort
2) Food, I thought, was my "friend"
and
3) It was something I could control

Being able to realize the true cause for my weight has helped me tremendously in getting my MIND right. My mind always has a way of playing games with me and now I am finally in control and able to get healthy once and for all.

I've been able to look at what I'm doing as truly a lifestyle change rather than a diet, which I wasn't able to do in the past. (Which explains why I am a Weight Watchers, frequent flier so to speak)

Now I just need to learn how to heal the issues that have caused me my weight gain so that I am able to get to my goal weight and keep the weight off.

I am very excited because I lost -2.8 lbs. this week and have come to the realization that my boys will never remember their mommy being fat. I hope to teach them how important it is to be healthy and I hope when they look back on their childhood they remember our family being active together. (swimming, hiking, playing basketball, throwing the football, just running around in the backyard, etc.)

No inspirational thoughts for today, but here's my favorite bible verse:

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight."

Proverbs 3:5-6

Lists, Lists, Lists...

Here's my current list of to-do's:

1. Attend baptism class @ church on Sunday, 9 am
2. Be baptised Sunday, July 26th during second service
3. Become members of the church in September
4. After we join the church dedicate the boys
5. Continue to succeed at my weight-loss efforts
6. Take Daniel to preschool
7. Make Nathan giggle
8. Continue our efforts to get Gabe into the San Jose Police Department
9. Move into our own apartment
10. Pay off our debt
11. Save a down-payment for a house
12. Find a mom's group: good friends for my boys & down-to-earth mommy friends for me
13. Establish a great workout routine
14. Read this great book once Fed Ex Delivers it:

15. Figure out what I want to do with MY life
16. Keep doing the "little things" that build my marriage

and then the real superficial ones...(forgive me)

17. Bleach teeth
18. Decide how I want my hair
19. Get my nails done
20. Figure out what will help my dry face
21. Buy new, better face make-up
22. Soon, buy a new, SMALLER wardrobe

AND..we'll end this post there!

"...falling off the wagon!!!"

Yes, I DID!!! How did it start you ask? Well, my loving, sweet, dear husband...he has an obsession for a sugar filled, deep fried treat at the Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk topped with Whipped Cream, Powdered Sugar and Strawberries in a thick sugary syrup. What is this heaven sent dessert you ask??? Take a look at the picture below...


funnel cake YUMMY!!!! I mean....deadly!!!

That was followed by a bbq at home yesterday night and then a bbq today we went to after church...hot dogs, burgers, a giant chocolate chip cookie and half of the caramel apple and fried artichoke hearts my mom brought home for me from her anniversary weekend away. OK, this has to stop before I can't catch the wagon again. Weigh-in day is on Wednesday so I can fix this tonight, Monday and Tuesday-I hope!! If I can lose atleast .2 I will have succeeded in my book. I really do need to figure out why I make one mistake (or maybe I will call it, "not so good choice") and then spiral out of control.

Anyone have any suggestions??????? I'd love to hear them. Okay, I'm off to eat a healthy dinner: corn on the cob, chicken, fruit & salad woot woot!!

THIS is why I DON'T blog!!!

It's funny, I started out blogging daily, sometimes even more than once a day...then I encouraged my husband to start a blog (because it's amazing the things you read that you probably would have never heard) and now he blogs more than I do.

I've summed it up to life. Dealing with a crying newborn and a crazy toddler (well I guess he's considered a preeeeeschooler now) really does keep you busy. And well, everything else moms do on a daily basis...can I pleeeease take a shower???


I have however jotted down quite a few "blog title ideas"....so when I do find time, I have some interesting things to write about.



The hubby has had some time off between his last job and his new jobs start date so we've finally been able to rekindle the flame haha!! (so to speak) It's been rough the past few months not seeing each other very much. So, Saturday we decided we would go to Santa Cruz Beach & Boardwalk. We had a lot of fun watching Daniel run around in the sand, run screaming from the water and eat a peanut butter & jelly SANDwich. It brought back memories of family beach trips, never caring how sandy I became and being buried all the way to my head. I miss the carefree life of being a kid.

Anyways, my next blog will be about, "falling off the wagon..."

Time: A Mother's Dream...

For some reason, I've felt saddened on many occasions today regarding my lack of time.
Maybe because I'm hormonal since my not-so-special friend is visiting...or maybe just because I do have a "lack of time."

Either way, I know what mom's mean when they say they did EVERYTHING for baby #1, but not as much for the kids following....I am behind on Nathans' baby book, have no current pictures (HAD as of now) AND have taken no videos whatsoever.

So, I decided that I would take some pictures of my littlest angel and they came out VERY cute, here are a few!!I've accepted the fact that I'll never have enough time to do everything I want to do, but I'll work awfully hard at putting the important things like photographing my babies on my to-do list. Which reminds me, my to-do list blog will be coming soon!!!



"There is never enough time to do everything, but there is always enough time to do the most important thing." -Brian Tracy

Reeses Indulgence...

chocoholic: chocoholic is a pormanteau of "chocolate" and "alcoholic," referring to an alleged addiction to chocolate.

Chocoholism, if not maintained, may result in over-consumption of chocolate, which may cause high blood-sugar levels and possibly obesity.

Today is my weigh-in day at Weight Watchers. I now weigh-in in the mornings at about 6:30 am. (No, I'm not a crazy person who enjoys waking up early in the morning, I'm a mom and get no choice in the matter) Anyways, I go in the mornings to get on the scale because if I don't, I find myself not eating all day so I don't add any unnecessary "food weight" to my weight.

I'm very proud of how much I've been able to stick to it this time around. I have completed 6 full weeks now without much struggle. (maybe a few speed bumps, but I've been able to overcome them)

So, I walk in, I get on the scale and what do you know, I was able to lose 1lb. this week, which made me very happy because not only is it much more significant that the .2 I lost last week, but it means I've walked past a donut shop (that always has a VERY sweet aroma) about 20 times on the way to my Weight Watcher meetings without ever going in. = )

I walked out feeling very happy and capable to tackle another week...another pound. I get in my car to come home, turn on K-Love...and of all the things they could possibly be talking about, they are talking about REESES Peanut Butter Cups!!!! AY!!!

Anyone who knows me well knows I LOVE Reeses with a passion. They were asking callers what they do with a Reese Peanut Butter Cup...luckily I missed almost the entire list except for the last two which were as follows:

1) Deep Fried Reeses Peanut Butter Cup

& (saving the best for last)

2) Reeses S'mores... meaning graham cracker, toasted marshmallow, REESES PEANUT BUTTER CUP, graham cracker...YUM!!!
(the caller explained it as, "inside the s'more you have melted chocolate and still a chunk of creamy, rich peanut butter"

I almost made a u-turn and drove to the grocery store.

All I have to say is, God has a sense of humor....wish my luck this week, I'm going to need it!!!

Laugh Your Way to SKINNY!!!

Did you know that "laughing" is a great weight loss booster? Yep, it's true!!! So when you are doing great on your weight loss journey or when you are struggling the best thing you can do is, LAUGH Ha Ha Ha!!! Here are a few reasons why:

• *Humor stimulates both sides of your brain and shuts off the flow of harmful stress hormones (epinephrine, cortisol, and dopamine) responsible for your increased weight-gain
• 
  
• *Laughter is a true internal jogging: it increases your breathing, your body temperature, your metabolism, your heart rate, and your pulse
• 
  
• *Laughter is great aerobics: it provides a good workout for your midsection and your diaphragm, boosts your blood flow and increases your body's ability to use oxygen to burn off more calories
• 
  
• *Laughter is an all over body workout; it massages your abdominal organs, improves your intestinal functioning, tones and strengthens your facial, respiratory, leg, and back muscles
• 
  
• *Laughter increases your energy and self-esteem, making you more likely to perform physical activities that you might otherwise avoid
• 
  
• *Ten minutes of hearty laughter daily would burn an average of five pounds a year (I know this does not sound like a lot, but most adults gain at least 10 lbs a year, this takes care of half of that weight gain)

Ok, so I am a Weight Watcher addict meaning I've done it a thousand times and haven't ever been to my goal weight. Every pound in the past has been a feel good "tease." I truly believe this time will be MY success story. Not only do I yearn for success, but I feel like my mind is in the game. BUT-not succeeding in the past has made me want to look for the reason for the weight. Although I love the taste of food I know it's not the underlying cause for my "obesity." I decided as hokey as it sounds that I would look up Dr. Phil's 7 Keys to Weight Loss Freedom:

• *Key #1: Right Thinking
  Lay aside self-defeating, invalid mindsets that do not work. They have the power to keep you from making different choices or developing new behaviors. Too often, we let these negative notions go unchallenged, and we act as though they were true. You must monitor what you're thinking and challenge whether it is true. If it's not working, replace it with thinking that works.
• *Key #2: Healing Feelings
  Overcome emotional overeating by managing inappropriate reactions to stress; solving problems rather than dwelling on them; changing self-defeating thoughts, since more often than not, feelings follow thoughts; gaining closure on unfinished emotional business; and learning new ways to cope without resorting to food.
• *Key #3: A No-Fail Environment
  Design your world so that you can't help but succeed. This involves removing temptations to eat and rearranging your schedule in order to avoid or minimize triggers to overeat.
  
• *Key #4: Mastery Over Food and Impulse Eating
  There's only one reason why you haven't changed the bad stuff in your life. You're getting something out of it. I'm not saying that you're getting something healthy or positive, but people do not continue in situations, attitudes or actions that do not give them a payoff. This key helps you identify those payoffs, unplug from them, and replace bad habits with healthy behavior.
• *Key #5: High-Response Cost, High-Yield Nutrition
  To lose weight, you must choose foods that support good behavioral control over your eating, that is, high-response cost, high-yield foods, organized into a moderate, balanced, calorie-controlled plan to ensure weight loss.
• *Key #6: Intentional Exercise
  Prioritize regular exercise into your life most days of the week — walking, jogging, aerobic dance classes, yoga, playing a sport, or lifting weights. Exercise does more than simply burn calories; it changes your self-perception so you stop labeling yourself as a couch potato.
• *Key #7: Your Circle of Support
  Surround yourself with supportive, like-minded people who want you to lose weight and succeed at your health and fitness efforts.

• 
  

I will continue to study these 7 keys and pray that God will make known to me the cause of my added poundage. I will let you know when I discover the real cause. As for my current Weight Loss Journey, I am finishing up week 6 since I started and have lost a total of -6.4 lbs. My next weigh in day is Wednesday, we'll see what happens!! *Goal for the week: Laugh MORE!!

Putting on my Mommy Jeans...

Just Because You're a Mom Doesn't Mean You Have to Wear Mom Jeans

Today I thought I would start by reflecting on how amazing it is being a mommy. I'm sure you were already able to figure out that the Lord has blessed me with two beautiful little boys. Daniel is 3 and Nathan is 2 months. Growing up I always knew that God's plan for my life included being a mommy. I've also always dreamed of having a big family.

I truly believe the kind of love my kids have for me is the same kind of love I need to have for God. I am not perfect, it takes patience, understanding and a lot of laughter to raise kids and my kids love me no matter what. They don't judge my imperfection, they love me for me and that is hard to find now a days. And as I'm sitting here wiping up spit-up and at the same time telling my older son to take the green Play-Doh out of his mouth I feel an unusual amount of "joy."

Lord, thank you for giving my such an amazing family. I am so excited for the responsibility of shaping these two lives. Please guide me as I parent them and teach them how to be responsible young boys. Help me to be patient and understanding and to always show them how much I really love them. Lord, help me to discipline them in a loving, but firm way and shape their character through the teaching of moral values. I pray that I can light a fire in them cultivating a love for Christ and be a role model with my faith. Amen.

I think I will start to write about the daily trials and tribulations of motherhood in my blogs to come. Hope everyone had a great 4th of July, God Bless!!

Independence Day...

Happy 4th of July!!

So, on Independence day I thought I would reflect on how important it is to have independence.
What does independence mean? The freedom from the control, influence, support, aid, or the like, of others.
There's really nothing like your mind, style, opinions, self not being influenced by what others are doing, but what truly makes YOU happy.
It takes time to work on this very important quality. It's called, being unique.
I've always felt that I march to the beat of my own drummer so I don't believe this has ever been an issue for me. (I'm more of a leader than a follower) It's not always a good thing however, with fashion for one thing. I would love to have a better fashion style and I'm sure once I get to my goal weight I will be able to discover what it is and will be, but for now maybe I should take a look at what others are wearing. I don't think jeans, t-shirts and exercise pants are a very sexy wardrobe, probably just a mommy one.

Let freedom ring
Let the white dove sing
Let the whole world know that today
is a day of reckoning
Let the weak be strong
Let the right be wrong
Roll the stone away
Let the guilty pay
It's Independence Day
"Independence Day" by Carrie Underwood

Independence Day...the day we adopted the "Declaration of Independence"...whatever you do today in celebration of the 4th of July whether it be:

• bbq'ing
• fireworks
• parades
• carnivals
• fairs
• baseball games
• picnics
• concerts
• public/private ceremonies

Just remember what you are truly celebrating, Independence!!! GOD BLESS the UNITED STATES Armed Forces!! I am so proud of everything YOU do for us and our freedom!!!